As I sit here, listening to the Return of the Jedi OST and sipping on my Capri Sun of “Pacific Cooler” variety, I can’t help but find myself in a really uncomfortable balance of happiness and rage.
Capri sun quadruple pack at Costco (40 ct): $7
Camino parking ticket: $68
Parking citation in front of my own house: $73
- That’s 805 fucking pouches of Capri Sun I could be sipping on right now while listening to some John “Fucking” Williams.
- That’s 805 frozen capri sun icicles for hot summer days
- That’s 805 pouches being poked through from the bottom end
- At 45 seconds per pouch, that’s about 10 hours of Star Wars I could be watching right now (uhmm maybe i’ll leave it at the original trilogy. I’ll rewatch ANH and ESB)
- That’s enough Capri Sun to fund 33 after-school daycare programs with some nice, sweet, and tangy “sun-fun”.
- That’s 2 complete teams of Supersoaker-inspired capri sun pouch-gun fights (400 per team), or 4 teams (200 per team), and so-on as desires.
You do the math. The hours of fun are countless.
One has eradicate oneself’s delusions of grandeur and just pay the god-damn fines. Doesn’t matter if it was your fault or not. It’s too late to regret, and it sure as hell pointless to hate the guy that wrote you the ticket (Officer Oldoely). Just fucking do it.
So remember boys and girls. Enjoy the simple pleasures in life. Buy more Capri Sun, and get less parking tickets.
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